


How Do They Do It?

by Grotesque (Grotesque_Flower)



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Bill just wants to go home, Drabble, F/F, Home waxing shenanigans, Humor, M/M, No Sex, No Smut, Poor Dipper, Poor Mabel, it's only M because of private issues, like they don't see anything, no tits no puss, not pinecest, that's all this is, the things we do for love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 07:47:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6146572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grotesque_Flower/pseuds/Grotesque
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mabel has always wondered about home waxing, why not try it out to surprise Pacifica?</p><p> ((purely crack, this is just based off of my personal experience and also a story someone told me ((sorry bud, it was funny)))</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Do They Do It?

**Author's Note:**

> This is so dumb...

Bill sighed as he leaned against the hallway wall, his long arms folded over his chest as he stared down at Dipper.

“Mabel, come on, you called me over here, now tell me what is going on,” Dipper spoke carefully through the bathroom door.

The light underneath was blocked by the shuffling of feet before he heard the frustrated, bordering angry whisper, “Mason Pines, if you laugh I swear to God…”

* * *

Mabel hadn’t seen Pacifica in what would be a complete cycle of a month. The blonde had to go out of state with her parents with some weird family estate thing. Something she couldn’t miss. And that was come to be expected from the Northwest family, at least once a year, sometimes two depending on how dire, Pacifica would get a phone call in the early hours of the morning and grimace in sleep as either her father or mother spoke rapidly on the other end of the line. Every now and again the time she left aligned with her and Mabel’s anniversary- not marriage, they hadn’t come that far as most think both having their reasons and both accepting the other for it. No the anniversary of when they officially started dating.

Tomorrow was the day, and Pacifica’s flight landed at nearly midnight, it left Mabel plenty of time to come up with some romantic cheesy scene straight from a 90’s teen Disney movie. She had taken to getting up early in the morning to start the day off, giving both Waddles and Mr. Whispers- Pacifica surprisingly loved cats, a snuggle and good morning kiss before she climbed out of bed. She unbraided her hair, still slightly damp from the last night shower, before she wandered into the closet to find something to wear. Simply tugging on a pair of shorts and button up, pulling a sweater and popping the collar down into place. Sitting back on the bed as she pulled on some knee-highs, slipping on her sneakers and playing with the cat for a minute or two with the laces before tying them. Going into the bathroom to brush her teeth, put on her subtle makeup, and pull her hair back. Of course she popped in the hoop earrings Pacifica had gotten her into wear, with her own little touch to them of course.

“Alright, Waddles, Mister, I’m off, watch over the house, don’t get on the counter, and behave, okay?” She pursed her lips as she shook her finger at them, her other hand on her hip trying to give off a stern look before she laughed and walked out to the garage.

She popped in some Marina and The Diamonds CD she ‘borrowed’ from Dipper before she set out to run her errands. She had no idea where she and Pacifica were going to go tomorrow if she was being completely honest with herself, but when did she ever truly know? She sort of just rolled with it all until something came to her. Watching the stores and signs she passed to see if she could get some sort of idea. She sunk back in the seat as she huffed a bit at a red light. Where was somewhere Pacifica liked? And where they hadn’t gone in a while… She sighed as she continued down the road. Whatever, she’ll figure it out.

* * *

She leaned up at the countertop, waiting patiently for one of the employees to ring her out. Okay shut up, lingerie is cliché as hell, but it’s the little details. And besides, baby pink and black are her colors when it comes to lace.

“Did you find everything alright?” The man asked with a smile and she nodded, “Alright, may I get a last name?”

“Pines, like the tree. You can just use Dipper, god knows he needs the points.”

The man gave her a curious look before tapping on the account name, “Alright.”

* * *

It was around noon when she found herself wandering around the store, picking up random things that she needed. Soap, toothpaste, one of those glitter pony figures, food. You know, the necessities. She found herself staring blankly at the guy’s razors before moving down to the girl’s, Pacifica would probably flip if and when she found out Mabel used all of hers while she was gone. Which always confused Mabel to some small degree seeing how the woman preferred to wax rather than waste her time shaving.

Waxing…

She was always curious truthfully about it, but never really thought to do it. Or rather had time to. Oh who was she kidding she always had time. Sure there were salons and stuff that specialized in it, Pacifica went to them all the time. But there were also the inexpensive at home strips too. The blonde used those too depending on her mood. Usually Mabel shaved, granted halfheartedly seeing how she couldn’t truly be bothered to shave her legs more than half of the time. She thought as she almost embarrassingly crossed her bare calves awkward as she stood. Alright, why not, give it a try. Pacifica can do it at home, she could try it too. And if it doesn’t work or she doesn’t like it then she won’t think twice about it ever again. Yeah let’s do this. She reached down and grabbed one of the jars of wax, almost embarrassed it seemed like as she tossed them in the cart and quickly skipped out of the aisle and never look back.

* * *

Mabel sat on the edge of the tub as she read the back of the jar several times over. Okay, it seemed really simple. How could she screw this up? She got up and went downstairs to the kitchen to heat up the jar as instructed. Once it was she went into the bathroom and rested her leg against the small shelf they had in there. Using the special-waxing applicator, it was a popcicle stick, she smooth the warm goop over a patch of her leg. She waited until it dried until she grabbed one of the sides and yanked.

Huh.

That, actually didn’t hurt as much as she thought it was. It was like a high-five, or a mosquito bite. Everyone made it out to be the most painful experience a woman, or man or other, could experience. Folding it in half and dropping it to the ground to pick up later she pulled off the other one. This wasn’t bad at all! And way more efficient it felt like, geez why didn’t she do this earlier?

Her legs didn’t take long at all, and she still had quite a bit of wax left. What else could she do…? She never shaved her arms, that was just weird. Underarms? She already did that last night. She hummed in thought. There _was_ another place she could wax… Plenty of people do it- hell Pacifica did it. She always told Mabel, just with any type of personal appearance primping and what not, that she doesn’t care what others do as long as they’re happy and comfortable, that she gets Brazilians because she finds it more comfortable. She didn’t care if Mabel chose to do so or not. And the Pines twin was pretty sure that the other occasionally did it at home too instead of going to a salon.

What’s the harm..?

Why not surprise her. If she doesn’t like it, then she wont do it again. If she does, well then she’ll be glad she figure something out. Because shaving was annoying as hell. So far everything was going fine. Yeah, let’s give it a go. Mabel shoved down shorts and her boy-short underwear down a bit, just the lower abdomen for now. Just at her bikini line. Grabbing another glob with the stick and applying it to her lower abdomen, just above her bikini line. She waited for it to harden. A few inhales and a few exhales. Her fingers holding the edge before she pulled. She flinched and squeezed her eyes shut. Okay, okay that hurt a little bit more than her legs. Nothing bad at all, and besides, wow, look at how smooth and efficient it was. Alright yeah this wasn’t bad at all, psshh. She pushed her underwear down to her thighs and grabbed another stick-full, and placed it at the mound and waiting a bit. She placed her free hand on her hip and yanked with her other hand.

“SON OF a bitch!” Oh good fucking God that hurt! It didn’t even come off. Maybe her grip wasn’t well? Oh well, she didn’t care! That fucking hurt!! She’s not doing that again.

Oh fucking great. She worried her lip as she thought. Carefully she tugged at the rubbery wax to no avail. It tugged and pulled in a way that hurt and was uncomfortable. She worried her lip in thought before grabbing a washcloth and wetting it under the sink, she patted the dry wax only to whine. Of course it’s waterproof. She dropped the cloth in the sink and knitted her eyebrows in thought. How was she getting this off…? Well, she knew how, but she did not want to experience that pain again. Jesus Christ how did Pacifica do this!? She sighed and pulled up her underwear and shorts. She thought, jumping on her heels, however she decided to stop after noticing how certain movements would cause her skin to pull in a painful way or her clothes to snag slightly on the dry wax.

* * *

“Bill you are going to sit in the cart with your hands to yourself or else you are not getting anything after the checkout, understand!” Dipper scolded the demon, who sighed and rolled his eyes with a pout.

“Whatever, it was boring anyway….” Bill mumbled as he climbed into the wired mesh of a cart, doing as he was told and crossing his arms.

Dipper pushed the cart down the aisle as he heard and felt his phone ring and vibrate, pulling it out and quickly hitting the green circle on the screen, “Hello?”

“Dipper! Please help me, I don’t know what else to do!” Mabel whined into her end of the phone, obviously distressed.

Bill hummed and looked over to see the other distracted. Reaching over the edge of the cart his long fingers barely hit the box of animal crackers, if he just stretched enough maybe he could- dammit…. He recoiled back and stared at Dipper with wide eyes as the box fell off the shelf and landed on the floor with a loud thud. The mortal sighed into the phone and grabbed the box from the ground, reluctantly tossing it into the cart and getting a gleeful giggle from the childish demon.

“Mabel, what’s going on?” He questioned as he leaned against the cart, batting Bill’s hands away from opening the box.

“I’m- I, okay I’ll explain it when you’re here, okay? But I just really need your help, please?” she pleaded to him, desperation in her voice carrying through the phone.

Dipper sighed, “Alright, fine, where are you?”

“Home!”

“I’ll see you in a little bit then, see ya.”

“Thank you thank you so much!!” and Dipper hung up his phone.

* * *

Dipper fumbled with his keys as he tried to find the one he had for Mabel’s house, Bill standing behind him as he nonchalantly ate his animal crackers. A bored expression on his face while Dipper unlocked the door and let them in.

“What are we doing here?” the demon questioned as he eyed the cat, who was eyeing him in return.

“Mabel needs my help, speaking of which,” Dipper called out into the house, “Mabel! We’re here, where are you at?”

Mabel perked up when she heard her brother’s voice, opening the bathroom door to answer him before closing it again, “I’m over here!”

Dipper closed the door and went over to where Mabel was, trying the door but quickly Mabel shut him out. The younger twin sighed, “Mabel, what do you need help with?”

She whined but didn’t answer… Why did she call Dipper to help her again? Oh, right… Because Wendy was in exams, and Candy and Grenda weren’t picking up their phones. Jesus, why did they even have phones if they never pick up?!

Dipper knocked on the door, Bill setting his crackers, cookies? Down as he walked over to lean against the hallway, watching his mortal, “Mabel, come on, you called me over here, but I can’t help if you don’t tell me.”

Mabel squeezed her eyes shut and sighed, “Mason, I swear to God if you laugh or say ANYTHING I will end you.”

He took note of the use of his real name, “Well, Bill would beat you to it. Anyway, what’s up?”

She opened the door and awkwardly stood, “Okay, so Pacifica is coming back home tonight, and our anniversary is tomorrow, and I thought; why not?” she went on, “Paz does it all the time, so I thought why not wax for her and surprise her. Legs went fine! Everything went fine until…”

“Mabel, what did you do…?”

“Look! Plenty of girls wax their,” she awkward gestured lower, “You know… It’s because porn and media! It pressures us!”

“Oh my God I do not need to know this,” Dipper whined and allowed his head to thud against the wall.

“Well, Dipper, remember how I helped you out when you couldn’t get that garter belt off?” she pointed out defensively, “Yeah, well I didn’t need to know that you did that sort of thing.”

Bill chuckled, “Oh my God, didn’t you guys end up cutting that off? Man, I really liked that one too.”

“Bill!” Both twins snapped at him.

Mabel started again, “Doesn’t matter. Look, my point is… Okay, everything was fine. And then when I went lower, well… IT really hurts and I can’t get it off and I don’t know what to do!!”

“What makes you think I know what to do?” Dipper questioned her, narrowing his eyes.

“Don’t you shave or wax for Bill?” Mabel tilted her head a bit, her eyes flickering from him to Bill.

“Not there!” “Only his legs, occasionally his chest.” “BILL!”

Mabel rested her forehead against the doorframe as she whined, “I don’t know what to do….”

“Okay, well, what kind of wax is it?” Dipper sighed and rubbed at his temples, asking her as calmly as he could.

She pulled back and grabbed the jar, handing it to him before she stood and twirled her hair with her fingertips, “Just that hardening stuff…”

He read the label carefully before handing it back to her, “Alright, did you try to wash it off?”

She nodded, “Didn’t work…”

“Okay… What about baby oil?”

“Dipper you don’t use that stuff, _there!_ I’ve made that mistake once, never again.”

“Don’t need to know, okay coconut oil? The internet seems to hold that stuff as liquid gold,” Dipper suggested and when Mabel shook her head he went over into the kitchen to rummage through the pantry. When he found what he was looking for he brought the jar back to Mabel and handed it to her.

She took the glass jar and shrunk back into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She sighed heavily as she opened the metal lid and shoved her pants down again. She grabbed a small amount and rubbed it over one of the edges of the wax but like the water it did nothing. She sighed a loud whine.

“Did it work?”

“No…”

“You could try using hot water, see if it’ll steam off?” Dipper suggested another option. And Mabel did what he said, another whine of defeat as the wax didn’t budge.

After nearly an hour of attempts and fails Bill found himself sighing as he laid on the couch, biting the heads off of the animal shaped crackers and then handing the decapitated cookie bodies to Waddles, the pig happily eating them. He heard Dipper sigh loudly and when he got up to see what he was doing he watched the way the brunette raked his fingers through his hair.

“Figure anything out?” Bill questioned as he looked at the door.

“Nope.”

“No…” Mabel softly spoke behind the door.

“I want to go home, Pine Tree,” Bill complained to the other.

Dipper shook his head, “Look, I know you do, and if you could drive I would allow you the keys, but you can’t. Just, go watch TV or something, alright?”

Bill huffed a loud growl, “You guys have tried everything but the most obvious solution here.”

“Oh right! Bill!” Mabel hopefully called from behind the door, “You’re a demon of infinite knowledge-“

“Don’t flatter him.”

“You should know how to get this stuff off!”

Bill hummed, “Perhaps, why?”

“Have any ideas?” She questioned and Dipper sighed.

“Literally all he is going to suggest is everything we’ve been trying, aside from some weird ‘cut it off’ junk, or fire, or sanding it off,” Dipper spoke up. Defensively he wanted to figure things out on his own. Sure he was thankful for when the demon did help him out, there were times it made him feel little and inadequate to him. But this isn’t about their relationship.

“Alright, look, I’ve had enough of this, it’s been an hour, if not longer,” Finally Bill rolled his eyes as he grabbed the doorknob of the door.  He pushed it open with his hip and Mabel stepped out of the way to allow him in, “Show me.”

The woman flushed in confused, “W-what?”

“Not that! Jesus Christ, the wax part, that’s all I need to see,” Bill scoffed and Mabel awkwardly shifted in her place, “You want my help or not?”

She nodded and Dipper looked away as she tugged her shorts down just enough, “What are you going to do?”

“We’re going to count to three, alright?”

“Bill it’s going to hurt! I’ve tried it already!” Mabel spoke quickly but Bill was having none of it. He wanted to go home.

“Look, it’s the only solution, suck it up buttercup.”

Mabel sighed and nodded, tightening her jaw as Bill counted to three.

“One.” She whispered with him.

“Tw-YOUSFUCKERR!”

There was a loud ripping sound that made Dipper wince as Mabel screamed out. The woman pulled back from the pain that was sprouting from her lower abdomen in a burning sensation, she curled her arms around her hips as she gawked in a mixture of anger and pain, tears at her eyes.

“Gross,” Bill commented as he tossed the pulled wax into the bin and walk out of the bathroom to retrieve his animal crackers again.

“Oh God it hurts,” Mabel wheezed while she hunched over, “Oh God it freaking hurts…”

Dipper peeked in to look at her with slight worry, “You okay?”

“Golden…” she gave him a weak thumbs up.

“Alright, Pine Tree, time to go, she’s helped,” Bill spoke up as he popped a zebra shaped cracker into his mouth.

“You okay?” Dipper looked back to Mabel.

Mabel simply sniffled loudly, “Leave me to suffer.”

Bill walked over to the bathroom again and grabbed the jar of wax, taking it with him, “Oh, you’re welcome, shooting star.”

“Never again….” She hissed.

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SORRY, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT THIS WAS JUST FUNNY!!  
> I actually love waxing? But waxing your cooch, well... I don't know it's not painful for me personally as it is messy and i just much rather get it done professionally tbh.
> 
> Bill doesn't care, he just wants to go home and eat animal crackers. Poor Dipdop, he doesn't need to know about his sisters... Hair preferences. I'm sure they both equally know things about each other they wish they didn't know about.
> 
> It's one am, what am i doing.


End file.
